Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
