My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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