I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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