he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
