I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
