Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
