Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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