allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
