Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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