hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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