I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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