Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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