Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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