well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
