never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
