You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
