I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
