just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
