if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Redeem this text for a blowjob
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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