sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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