never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
