last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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