i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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