I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Success! We fucked roommates!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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