He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
