plz talk dirty to me
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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