Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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