I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Randomize
