A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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