It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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