drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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