please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
