Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
