I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
