I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
