according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
