Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize