Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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