Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
