shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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