It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
