just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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