Your tits are I can't wait for
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Randomize
