what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Boobs are out for the taking
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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