some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
