dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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