don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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