Already got asked if we're dating
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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