Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
