btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
