it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
