; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
