Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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