oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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