She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
