i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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