I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
