i think my tv is drunk
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
