Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
