Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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