ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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