our cab driver is having phone sex.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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