i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
