i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
