They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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