She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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