NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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