Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
